Miss America: Meet your people.

The new Miss America was crowned over the weekend and guess what? She’s not white!
Jesus, Mary, and Sanjay.
If your first thought was, “so what”, you’re a good egg. Unfortunately there was a lot of outrage on social media after Nina Davuluri was named the winner of the 2014 Miss America Contest. Ignorant fucks across our beautiful country took to twitter and facebook and couldn’t help but spew their hateful bullshit. After all, how could a non-white win Miss America?? There must be something in the rules against it…right?
No shit kicker, there’s not. Here are the rules.
To compete you must

  • Be between the ages of 17 and 24.
  • Be a United States citizen.
  • Meet residency requirements for competing in a certain town or state.
  • Meet character criteria as set forth by the Miss America Organization.
  • Be in reasonably good health to meet the job requirements.
  • Be able to meet the time commitment and job responsibilities as set forth by the local program in which you compete.

Nina met every requirement, and yet so many of you are confused. I’ll try to clear some things up for you in an open letter.
Dear Racist Assholes,
1. She was born in America and is an American citizen, just because she doesn’t look like the cousin you want to fuck, doesn’t mean she is not American.
2. Her family is from India and are all doctors right here in America, which would make them valuable citizens. They will save your life one day after you O.D. on meth.
3. She graduated from the University of Michigan, you know the school you cheer for on Saturdays but were far too fucking stupid to apply. She earned a degree in science, or as your family calls it witchcraft. So not only is she gorgeous, she’s intelligent.
4. India had nothing to do with 9/11, but then neither did Iraq, but one thing at a time. Also, India is not a Muslim country. Not that it would matter, she was born in Syracuse!!!
5. I could keep going, but you people are hopeless. Eat shit and die.
Joe Kilgallon

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