Illinois Congressman Credits Macklemore for Gay Marriage Vote

Below is a copy and pasted article I wrote for The Whiskey Journal! An amazing publication ran by some great comedians here in Chicago! Big thanks to Kyle Scanlan and the entire staff!

Illinois Congressman Credits Macklemore For Gay Marriage Vote

SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — In last week’s session State Representative Tom Cross (R – Plainfield, Ill.) voted affirmatively to legalize same sex marriage in the state of Illinois, crediting popular rap artist Macklemore for his revised stance on the issue.
Cross, a staunch conservative with strong ties to groups that vehemently oppose same sex marriage, such as the Catholic League, Alliance for Marriage, and the It’s Just Gross-Church of Christ, had long been a leader of Republican opposition to SB 10. Needless to say, his “aye” vote came as a major surprise to the press as well as members of his own party. Further surprising was that when pressed by reporters, the congressman cited Macklemore, a 30-year-old white rapper from Seattle.
“I heard that ‘Same Love’ song and dammit it’s a catchy number,” said Cross. “I had a similar experience to Mr. Macklemore because when I was in third grade, I too thought I was a homosexual, because I really liked tap dancing. With tears streaming down my face I told my dad, who simply said, ‘No son of mine is a gay!’”
“My father was right,” Cross added. “I wasn’t gay, I just really liked tap dancing.”
The gathered press scratched their heads wondering what the anecdote had to do with his vote on marriage equality, religious freedom or civil liberties. The Congressman then proceeded to say how nice it was to hear a rapper that people of all ages could enjoy.
“I particularly like shaking my rump to that song about the thrift shop, even though I suspect it has anti-capitalist undertones,” Cross said.
Encouraged by Cross’ cross-party vote, gay rights activists now hope Macklemore’s hit song can do for LGBT rights what Rocky IV did for the Cold War.
Guest article by Joe Kilgallon

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